Only ever change for you.

Have you ever come out of a relationship, Be that romantic, a friendship or acquaintance, and when you look back on it, you realise all the things you changed about yourself until you got to the point where you no longer recognise who you are? In fact have you ever looked back and realised that the reason that relationship ended was because you have sacrificed yourself in order to maintain it?

 So often we compromise the person we are in order to maintain a relationship. Sometimes we feel that the other person doesn’t accept who we are, or they show irritation at certain traits or behaviours, and as time goes on you find yourself limiting those behaviours and traits, hiding them, developing new ones to take their place, and all in order to not upset someone else and ensure you continue to be accepted by them. And then when the relationship ends you realise you have become all the things that they wanted, and have lost sight of who you are in the process. And they have moved on whereas you are left with the person you became for them.

Now take a look at the person you have become. Is that who you want to be? Or is it who you feel you need to be?

Sometimes we do change because we realise that we want to become different in order to leave certain traits behind us. This is especially true when we recognise certain negative traits in ourselves which we no longer wish to have. But there is a difference between making conscious changes within ourselves because we want to be someone different, and making those changes subtly over time because the person we are is being crushed by someone else’s demands.

It’s easy to feel that you are accountable to someone else. To think that you need to change to make them happy. And it’s easy to think that the changes you are making are because if someone else finds the person you are unacceptable, then it must be true.

But think about it logically. Who are you really accountable to for the person you are? Friendships and relationships will always come and go, and you will always be the one consistent person in your life. The one you are accountable to for who you are.

If you change for someone else the reality is that your life will be a constant stream of change in order to meet the demands of the people you are trying to please. But they will move on, and every time they do you will be left with the self criticism of how you changed for them and are no longer your own person.

You will never make anyone happy by changing and compromising yourself for someone else, but you will almost certainly make yourself unhappy.

Don’t compromise who you are for anyone else.

Continue to be the person you are, for you.

Let me know how I can help you.

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