Positive thinking will get you nowhere 

So, you want to make some changes in your life. You’re fed up of not having achieved anything, and you know that something needs to change. But where do you start?

Well, of course you need to start with a bit of positive thinking. After all, if you think positive, then good things will happen, right? Wrong.

There is of course a lot of merit in thinking positively about things rather than negatively. After all if you tell yourself that you can’t achieve what you want then chances are you won’t achieve it because your negative thinking will prevent you from actually taking the next step forward.

Except sometimes positive thinking also prevents us from taking the next step forward, because we’re so busy thinking about what we could achieve, and what we believe we can achieve, that we don’t actually take the time to go out there and achieve it.

The thought process is only the beginning of the journey. Positive thinking isn’t enough, you have to take positive action based on that thought process.

If you walk into a job interview believing you can get the job you will come across more confident, but if you haven’t made the effort to submit a decent application all the positive thinking and belief in the world isn’t going to get you the job.

If you go into an exam believing you can pass but haven’t actually done any revision, the tutor will be surprised when you fail because you seemed so positive, but actually if you haven’t taken the action then the thought alone wasn’t enough to see you through.

Although if you did the revision but feel negatively about the exam there’s every chance you will still pass.

Your thought processes have nothing to do with what you achieve. Only the action you take does.

Self belief means nothing if you’re not acting on it.

So, do you believe in yourself? Good. Because that means you’re ready to take the next step, and take positive action towards what it is you want to achieve.

Get in touch and let me know how I can help.

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Only ever change for you.

Have you ever come out of a relationship, Be that romantic, a friendship or acquaintance, and when you look back on it, you realise all the things you changed about yourself until you got to the point where you no longer recognise who you are? In fact have you ever looked back and realised that the reason that relationship ended was because you have sacrificed yourself in order to maintain it?

 So often we compromise the person we are in order to maintain a relationship. Sometimes we feel that the other person doesn’t accept who we are, or they show irritation at certain traits or behaviours, and as time goes on you find yourself limiting those behaviours and traits, hiding them, developing new ones to take their place, and all in order to not upset someone else and ensure you continue to be accepted by them. And then when the relationship ends you realise you have become all the things that they wanted, and have lost sight of who you are in the process. And they have moved on whereas you are left with the person you became for them.

Now take a look at the person you have become. Is that who you want to be? Or is it who you feel you need to be?

Sometimes we do change because we realise that we want to become different in order to leave certain traits behind us. This is especially true when we recognise certain negative traits in ourselves which we no longer wish to have. But there is a difference between making conscious changes within ourselves because we want to be someone different, and making those changes subtly over time because the person we are is being crushed by someone else’s demands.

It’s easy to feel that you are accountable to someone else. To think that you need to change to make them happy. And it’s easy to think that the changes you are making are because if someone else finds the person you are unacceptable, then it must be true.

But think about it logically. Who are you really accountable to for the person you are? Friendships and relationships will always come and go, and you will always be the one consistent person in your life. The one you are accountable to for who you are.

If you change for someone else the reality is that your life will be a constant stream of change in order to meet the demands of the people you are trying to please. But they will move on, and every time they do you will be left with the self criticism of how you changed for them and are no longer your own person.

You will never make anyone happy by changing and compromising yourself for someone else, but you will almost certainly make yourself unhappy.

Don’t compromise who you are for anyone else.

Continue to be the person you are, for you.

Let me know how I can help you.